Sweet Siren Song of Sugary Sabotage

You tell yourself OK...Monday morning I will not cheat.  I will adhere to the strictness that I have imposed upon myself in order to resembling anything that might be considered thin.  And then you get to work and WHAM...it hits you, you can smell the sweet scent of sugar and you know that someone, some evil doer has brought a dessert of some type.  Damn it!  It’s near impossible to diet or lose so much as a pound when you work in an office where the ‘PPC’ (Party Planning Committee) brings in treats for every effing occasion they can think of.  I try to resist, Oh yes I try...but the sweet chocolatey goodness calls to me with it’s siren song as I pass by it.  It beckons me over to smell the sweet scent of cocoa beans, it knows I can't resist.  Don’t you see that I have no will power people...that’s why my ass is the size of one of the Western States.  Actually, if my body were the contiguous United States...then Texas would be my ass.

Houston...We Have Progress

As for me, this week I went to the Dr. for some pain and swelling I have been having in my legs from just below the knees through my ankles. I am frustrated because not only have I not been losing weight, but I felt like I was gaining weight. Umm...how does that work exactly? I eat less, I eat better, I work out more and yet my jeans keep feeling a bit tighter each time I put them on. Turns out you can retain a whole lot of water and not even know it. You just look like your storing fat for the winter hibernation. Apparently my little routine is starting to work (WOO HOO!!). I just couldn’t see it because I was holding in over 10 lbs. of water weight, bleh!!. The cause is still a mystery but for now the water pills are helping me shed it so I can see my true progress. I still look like a bratwurst squeezed into my swim suite, but soon I’ll look more like a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage link with boobs, and won’t you be jealous when I do. J

Fat Chicks Just Don't Try

I read an article on Yahoo recently that was titled something like ‘6 reasons you’re not losing weight’. So, I click on it thinking, whelp it can’t hurt and maybe they know more than I do. Perhaps they have discovered the illusive gene that prevents some women from losing weight, without having to wire their jaws shut and cut out food all together. I didn’t have to read the name of the author to know that it was clearly written by a man. I was irked, to say the least, that Yahoo would have this as their ‘Headline’ on their home page because much to my dismay this guy’s answer to fat chicks everywhere is that we simply aren’t putting in enough effort and hard work. Apparently ladies...we are delusional in that we tell ourselves we are dieting and exercising, when really we have our fat asses parked on the sofa watching soaps and eating chocolates.

I agree that some people do convince themselves that they are the queen of eating healthy and that they spend all of their spare time in the gym when in reality they eat in secret and are very depressed about their weight. Yes, some people are kidding themselves...but hey there Mr. Jackass, writer man...some women actually DO have medical issues that prevent them from succeeding in weight loss plans, without taking drastic measures. So, your ‘6 Tips’ were nothing more than recycled information that we heard at every turn...eat less, work out more, blah, blah, blah...we get it. Thanks for wasting our time.

I have a hearty one finger salute for that guy!

Week 3

Still fat. 

That is all...

And Then it Gets Depressing...

So here's when the disappointment of starting a workout and diet routine starts to get discouraging.  I do not fear the scale, but I do dread it.  I more than dread I loathe it.  Did you know that if you stand on a scale long enough you can actually see demonic horns start to sprout from it?  True story. 

I have been working out for what, like 2 1/2 weeks now and...nada, zilch, nothing, nil, none.  Boo...I was born with that fun rare metabolism that when I start any diet or workout routine, my body goes into hybernation mode.  Yes...lets' store fat...cuz I'm really lacking in it.  Genius idea.  I always give it 100 %, I follow all the rules, I don't eat the things I love that made fluffy in the first place and NOTHING!  Yes, I'm bitter because this is a routine that I go through once or twice a year.  The people around me lose weight...and I do not. 

I once went to Weight Watchers for 3 months with my sister, boyfriend and mother, thinking the buddy system will work better, right? Wrong!  Week after depressing week, I would listen to each of them get on the scale and the chick would say, "Oh, great you lost 5lbs, you lost 2, lbs., you lost 4lbs., you lost 7 lbs., etc., etc.!"  I get on the scale and every week it was, "Oh...hm...it looks you didn't lose any weight this week, Oh you will next week I'm sure." Ya right bitch, I don't need your pity.  And then there was the day I got the astounding weigh in of, "Oh, well, it looks as though you've gained weight."  What...GAINED weight??  This is Weight Watchers, right?  The proven weight LOSS program.  I lived Weight Watchers.  I followed it to the letter, and as everyone lost weight and I was happy for them...me, nope I gained weight. 

It's depressing, disouraging and humiliating to constantly go up and down with my weight like this in front of people.  Especially when people see pictures of me from my past and don't believe that it could possibly be me.  One girl actually had the nerve to tell me I wasso pretty...what happened?  I really had to refrain from bitch slapping her.  Jeeze, I'm not hideously disfigured in some industrial accident  This is why I stopped going to bars, I overheard a guy once say to his friend that nudged him to check me out and looked me up and down (This moment is etched in my mind) and he looked back at his friend and said, "Yeah...she's pretty, but she's fat!"  Instead of being hurt I wish I had been angered at that moment, that jackass could have used a serious bitch slapping!