Mangina

       I'm pretty sure that technically, the definition of this term is...my ex, but I dedicate this to ex's everywhere...

•1. P**** whipped male; Named due to the taking on of feminine tendencies rather than masculine ones, caused by extreme need to seek approval from females to the point of eradicating his own self and becoming a servant eunuch. Is a man, but may as well have a vagina.

•2. When a dude is such a wuss about something, his penis actually inverts in on itself creating a feux vagina, or "Mangina"

•3. A guy that acts too much like a girl in a relationship. Very clingy and codependent. Cries a lot and expects the girl to have no other life but the one with him.

•4. A derogatory term for a male who does not deserve to be called a real man by virtue of his attitudes, beliefs and behavior towards women. Basically, any "man" who does not give women the respect they deserve. Includes a variety of groups like sexists, wife-beaters and cheaters.

•5. Derisive term for a man's feminine side - especially when he's picky, touchy or over emotional about something seemingly minor.

•6. The bumhole - usually used in a prison-dating context.

•7. The figurative term for genitals on a non-masculine man. If a man is acting girlie, it could be because he has a mangina. Manginas breed drama.

•8. Slang term for a man who is being timid or cowardly. Someone not showing attributes that we would expect from a real man. The usage of the term is meant to be interchangeable with the term p**** but meant to be less offensive to women.

•9. Male who behaves like a woman.

The Teen Year Ditch

Today is my son's 20th birthday.  I can honestly say that it has been a roller coaster raisng him to manhood.  I knew when I was pregnant with him and he was doing what I can only describe as River Dancing on my uterine wall, that he would be a handful.  It's not all sunshine a roses as they say in the brochure, but if you in for the most expensive adventure of your life...then parenthood is for you.

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Guide to Annoying Your Co-Workers

• Bring your baseball and glove to work and practice playing catch with yourself in the cubicle behind me or up against the wall.
• Walk around the office bouncing said ball in and out of peoples cubicles...cuz you’re bored.
• Play your music loud enough that I can hear, even though I hate your taste in music. Secretly, I think you know that...
• Listen to music with head phones on and sing to it brutally out of key, and tap ever so repetitively off beat to it either with your pen or your fists on the desk. That’s not annoying at all.
• Put chimes on your desk and ring them randomly throughout the day.
• Have a really annoying ringtone for your cell phone that is set on ‘Quartet of trombones’ and never be at your desk to answer it when it goes off, 10 times a day.
• Have an incense smoker on your desk to make your daily sacrificial burn to appease your God.
• Do yoga, mediate or nap at your desk.
• Ride your scooter around the office, because ‘you’re bored’.
• Try to convince everyone in the office to be a granola eating, Birkenstock wearing, green loving, recycle doing, green tea drinking vegan lunatic like you, because your way of life is the only way.
• Don’t wear your wedding ring around the building and then get offended when people ask you out on a date.
• Gossip, about everyone to everyone.
• Invite your personal friends who don’t work in our office to come and hang out at your desk, daily, and have gossip sessions and tea parties while wearing feather boas and plastic tiara’s and playing ‘Pretty, Pretty Princess’.
• Sleep with the boss and pretend no one knows about it. We all know...
• Nose in on other peoples work assignments, cuz YOU’RE bored.

AND...

• Take credit for other peoples ideas

How To Be a Jackass at Home Depot

I once was at Home Depot and had the misfortune of waiting at the paint counter while this sorry excuse for a dad was behind me clearly in negotiations with his 3 year old daughter and from where I was standing, she was winning. Meanwhile it was rather late in the evening and I ran out of paint just as I about to complete a project, so I’m at the counter, dirty, sweaty, possibly smelly and I’m tired and this conversation was pissing me off. Basically It touched my pisser nerve.

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The Anti Mommy Blogger

There a lot of ‘mommy bloggers’ out there that I have read and they all have a similar theme on their blogs, they talk about their frustrations with life and being a new mother and everything “no one” tells you about being a pregnant, etc. Personally, I think everything you need to know about being a mother is out there somewhere, but you need to find it. Also, it’s relative to each woman’s experience there is no blanket rule of thumb. Everyone is different, every baby is different. Not to mention there are a slew of books that are either called or based on insider secrets to pain and suffering that is associated with birthing, mothering and rearing snot monsters.

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